Last week, I ordered a care package to be sent to the orphanage for Noel. It has been delayed in being sent because of Chinese New Year/Spring Festival Celebrating. After the call on Wednesday, I contemplated not having it sent but felt regardless of what comes of this I want her (if she receives it) and the children there to have some new stuff. We also included a note stating how excited we were to be adopting ZCG (Noel) and how thankful we are for their taking such good care of her. Perhaps we can win some "brownie points" with them and they'll change their minds. I can hope, can't I?
I received this picture this morning of the items that were sent off for Noel/the orphanage.
- A beautiful Spring Celebration dress intended for Noel
- Kylan doll intended for Noel
- Musical toy for orphanage
- 9 pair of pants for kids at orphanage
- Candies/snacks for kids and nannies
- Camera for them to take photos
- Letter stating our thanks and asking questions about Noel
I cried when I opened this picture and saw the cute doll, wondering if she will ever even receive these items. Could this encourage them to change their minds? Is she ok? I at least want to know that much is she ok?
At some point this afternoon yet, I should be receiving our documents via UPS from the Chinese Consulate in Chicago. To think at one point I was so excited to receive them and now it just makes me wonder if they will ever be used for the purpose they are intended for? I'm not saying we won't pursue another child but right now I'm not sure I could feel as attached to another child. She felt so right for us and the way this whole adoption process came about just made it feel like it was so meant to be. Where did we go wrong? Did we read the signs wrong? I have been constantly asking God these questions over the last 48 hours. I have the right to, don't I? I haven't lost faith in Him, I know there is a reason for all of this but right now I'm having a hard time seeing what that could be.
I know that I am blessed beyond my knowing because blessings never come easy and many times occur in our darkest times. I look forward to the day that I see the blessing in all of this.
Please continue to pray for our precious ZCG (Noel), I will always feel she is ours.