Last week, I ordered a care package to be sent to the orphanage for Noel. It has been delayed in being sent because of Chinese New Year/Spring Festival Celebrating. After the call on Wednesday, I contemplated not having it sent but felt regardless of what comes of this I want her (if she receives it) and the children there to have some new stuff. We also included a note stating how excited we were to be adopting ZCG (Noel) and how thankful we are for their taking such good care of her. Perhaps we can win some "brownie points" with them and they'll change their minds. I can hope, can't I?
I received this picture this morning of the items that were sent off for Noel/the orphanage.
- A beautiful Spring Celebration dress intended for Noel
- Kylan doll intended for Noel
- Musical toy for orphanage
- 9 pair of pants for kids at orphanage
- Candies/snacks for kids and nannies
- Camera for them to take photos
- Letter stating our thanks and asking questions about Noel
I cried when I opened this picture and saw the cute doll, wondering if she will ever even receive these items. Could this encourage them to change their minds? Is she ok? I at least want to know that much is she ok?
At some point this afternoon yet, I should be receiving our documents via UPS from the Chinese Consulate in Chicago. To think at one point I was so excited to receive them and now it just makes me wonder if they will ever be used for the purpose they are intended for? I'm not saying we won't pursue another child but right now I'm not sure I could feel as attached to another child. She felt so right for us and the way this whole adoption process came about just made it feel like it was so meant to be. Where did we go wrong? Did we read the signs wrong? I have been constantly asking God these questions over the last 48 hours. I have the right to, don't I? I haven't lost faith in Him, I know there is a reason for all of this but right now I'm having a hard time seeing what that could be.
I know that I am blessed beyond my knowing because blessings never come easy and many times occur in our darkest times. I look forward to the day that I see the blessing in all of this.
Please continue to pray for our precious ZCG (Noel), I will always feel she is ours.
I know that you are hurting right now, but hopefully you will have some answers soon.
ReplyDeleteRuby
I think you are absolutely justified in asking all of those questions about Noel, as she is indeed a part of your family now, even if there aren't papers saying so. Who can blame you for wanting to know if she is okay and what is going on, why God would give you signs/if you misread them if it were to go this direction, etc.
ReplyDeleteSomeday (and the sooner the better!) everything will make sense and there WILL be blessings through it all, no matter how things end up... I pray that throughout the process your faith will be made even stronger and that all the questions in your mind and heart can be answered. Praying for Noel, you, Jason, & the kids.
(and P.S. That care package is precious - definitely worth brownie points, in my opinion!) Stay strong!
Tracy as you know I am heartbroken for you all! I am praying like crazy that this is all just a huge misunderstanding and it will all be straightened out very soon (and I stress the VERY SOON)!
ReplyDeleteNoel is a part of your family and this is a loss anyway you look at it. I relate it those who birth children as seeing their child on an ultrasound photo for the first time. You are attached and you love them with all of your heart. I know for me with both of my children I loved them before they were even born, from the moment we knew we were "Homestudy to Korea" my heart, and soul was with this little being. I loved them more then words and there is nothing in the world that could keep me from them. Your maternal instincts kick in and you just want them to be okay, you ache to hold them and be with them.
I am praying for answers for you all very very soon!
Sarah